She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
