the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
