i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
