you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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