I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
