i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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