Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
