I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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