I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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