Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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