I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
