She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
