He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
