He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
