You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
