In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
