Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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