obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
