gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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