I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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