I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
