even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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