After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
