woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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