Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i drank out of a bidet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
