Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
