the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
