who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
