I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
