Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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