i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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