so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
