woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
