Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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