I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize