We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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