Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wear drunk well.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
