U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
