I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
