Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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