My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
