It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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