Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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