vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
