How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
