just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
