I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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