This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
