you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a beard to bite.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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