Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
