I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize