At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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