i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
