I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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