P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
