i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
