You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
