I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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