Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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