just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
