Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
