just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
