Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
