you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
