oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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