God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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