We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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