The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
