Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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