why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
