if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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