So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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