you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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