The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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