need another drink. this is the easiest way
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
