dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
